Temple Day!

I had a very big day yesterday!

usually for most LDS girls the drill goes: meet a boy, get engage,d and get married in the temple. Going through the for first time just kind of fits in with the getting married part. for some girls they decide to go on a mission,

then there is me

i guess i just tend to do things in my own weird way, completely different than everyone else

i promise dont plan it this way! it just happens...

just to be clear, no i am not getting married OR going on a mission!

I have been considering this a lot over the past year.

its been a very hard year for me. lots of tears from a girl who normally doesn't cry. hopefully it has made me stronger, a better person, and more focused on living life in the moment {and not just waiting until school is over}. on one of my many visits to the barton home to see brynns family debbie and i talked about them doing brynns temple work for her. long story short, we decided that since i was thinking about it anyways that it would be a really magical experience for me to do mine at the same time as brynn. i announced it to my best girlfriends at emmas valentines party and started getting to work to sort out a few things to get ready to go. after attending a ward in orem for a while, i was not very happy sitting all alone at church by myself and i though it was maybe just because i was alone. i decided to give it one more try and check out the ward that whitney's house was in salt lake before i just went back to my home ward. BEST. decision. ever! the second i walked into the building of the Madison ward i knew i was home, it was where i was supposed to be. every lesson was exactly what i needed to hear. its like they knew!! i have never felt like that. i was excited for church every week. there was a bishop change right as i started at the new ward so it took a while before i was able to get in and talk to him and work everything out. the bishop at my ward is great! i really enjoyed talking with him and he helped me so much with everything i have been through this year. after i got my recommend from the bishop and skipped out of the appointment and immediately called to set up the meeting with my stake president. since he was out of town i was lucky enough to meet with his counselor, who happened to be the old bishop that was switched when i moved in. he was amazing. walking out of meeting with him i was so happy i felt like i might burst! he was sweet and made me cry {like a baby} tears of happiness. everything had worked out so great i was just holding my breath for something to happen that would mess everything up and we would have to wait longer.... it never did! 

{image via google....dont remember where!}

i really wanted to go through the draper temple. brynn, jelissa and i had gone to the open house and i loved it! we figured that since brynn had actually gone to that temple before and we were doing it together it would be fun to go back to that sample temple. the date was set and i had 3 weeks to wait until July 28th 2012!

Erin Goodman gave me a book to help prepare me for going to the temple. I loved reading it and i like to think it helped me, but i dont know!

Emma was my escort. she did just a fab job showing me how to do everything and trying to explain. there was so much going on i didnt even know where to begin asking questions
My mom took me shopping for everything i needed, which was overwhelming!

Debbie and i got to sit by each other while we waited for the first part, and we talked about how brynn was there with us, dancing! {i dont know why but all day i just pictured her dancing, so happy} Brooke did the second part for her. it was so fun to get to see her do that for her sista. i sware that when i looked at her one time during the session that it was brynn standing there in brookes spot. I know they are sisters and look a like, but it was brynn!

Lauren was able to make it up from vegas so that she and sean were able to be there to support me along with so many others. i am one lucky girl to have so many wonderful and amazing people in my life to help support me. i could have never survived this year without them!

the lovelies that were able to make it included:

debbie and jeff barton, brooke gatti, kristy and bill beck, megan beck, lauren and dan rupper, emma and isaac westwood, sean and lauren fowler, erin goodman, suzie cushing, joshing cushing, brooke gatti, dave and judy fox, dave fox jr, jenny cushing. my mom, whitney and mike met us outside to celebrate! 

{the only jumping pic that my new g's are not showing :( ill have to work on that!}

after the festivities at the temple we went to brio at fashion place mall to celebrate the big event of the day for brynn and i, and debbie's birthday. 

it was such an incredible experience! i feel like i was only able to take in a small amount of everything going so i cant wait to go back and do it again. i just hope brynn was as excited to be doing it with me as i was to be doing it along with her. 

one year...

i cant believe its a year since everything happened.

a WHOLE year.

the shortest/longest/worst year ever.

brynn life is so weird without you. 

every holiday tinted with sadness by your absence. i never really noticed how much halloween was kind of like our special holiday. we loved to dress up and you always had the best costumes. but we didnt need halloween to dress up either! 

just look at these gems

 breast mermaid friends forever! 

I was sooo happy when i found your fin and was able to put it in your casket with you. wrapped around your feet ready to swim!

When is there not a good time to rock and 80's dress

or have an 80's themed 20th birthday party?

brynn you always made everything so exciting and fun. 

I wish i could the words to express how  much i love and miss you. how having you gone is the hardest thing. how much i think about you. but i am not good with words and can never find the right ones. 

so many wonderful things have happened this year to honor you. i am so proud to be someone that was able to be so close to you and share so much of your life with. 

this video that your wonderful family put together is so amazing and i cant watch it without crying!

brynns promise

for the one year anniversary emma helped me put together a little gathering to celebrate brynn.

in the morning i went and decorated the tree by where the accident happened

 friends and family gathered around. brynns adorable grandpa made the nicest speech.

i hope she enjoyed it! 

i was expecting to be a basket case all day crying my eyesouut, but i had this overwhelming feeling of comfort and love all day that made me smile. 

 i know it was brynn telling me that everything was going to be ok, and the prayers of everyone thinking about me and her family. 

i have been blessed with so many wonderful friends and family who have helped me more than they will ever know this year. with each trial they have helped me get back up and move forwarded. they have been there for me every step of the way. 

i love each and every one of you so much!

 

goldilocks

i did my first bike ride!

i am a little proud of myself

haha

golidlock is an all girls ride in harriman utah

we originally were signed up for 80 miles {holy poo....} but since i have been out on my bike a grand total of 3 times before the ride i "rationally" told my sister there was no way that was going to happen, we negotiated on the 40 mile route! nailed it. there were some terrible hills that i was able to very slowly make it up, and i may have gotten slightly snappy for a little while when i got left behind by whitney because she is much faster than i but we were able to work in out and have some fun along the way!

the last 10 miles were just a gradual uphill climb of death but we made it. until about 20 feet to the finish line........

the grand finale! we had a bit of an accident.

we stopped watching each other as our family was cheering us on to the finish line. poor sister hit my back tire and hit the ground super hard, cracked her helmet but luckily nothing else! after we recovered and got back on our bikes to ride across the finish line i completely lost my balance while just standing still clipped in just on one side and fell over. nothing compared to whits tumble.

but we did it! 

we made it 40 miles in 3 1/2 hours

slightly bruised and a little sore but we did it and i am very proud of both of us! 

thanks for pushing me and helping me along the way. glad you are ok!

Break time!

sadly for school we dont get the summer off.

I took advantage of the little over 2 short weeks that we did get and it was great. I got to see an old friend, spend some quality time with family and friends that are like my family. it was great!

the day i finished finals whitney, mike and i hit the open road headed for vegas/cali

we spent the night in vegas at sean and laurens house, got to play with my little love tank then finished the drive to cali the next morning. my sweet friend amanda was kind enough to let us crash on her couch for a few nights in huntington beach. while we waited for her to get home from work we played in the sand then whisked her away for a magical evening at medieval times!

The next morning we went to DISNEYLAND! it was so fun, until i lost my camera :( {very sad face and also the reason why most of my pictures are from my phone....believe me, we lost some real gems from the beach} amanda and her friend scott were able to come meet up with us during the night for a fun time. it was so great to see her and spend a little time together. 

our last day in cali was spent in six flags magic mountain. so crazy! biggest coasters i have ever been on, maybe. it was so hot but so fun. pretty sure we had some tears from whitney on the first huge drop, we both started to see black spots on a never ending circle, and whiteny went on all the rides except for one. and that one made me super nervous. you start backwards but since the chairs on connected to there own bar...you spin around during every drop and turn! holy crap! we did it twice :) 

the next few days were spent being lazy in vegas walking tank, hiking, and laying out by the pool with sean and lauren. so much fun! we went to red rock park and climb all over the place {I even got to feel little baby hudson kick ever so slightly and was super excited. i cant wait to meet that little guy}. dad and mc met us in vegas with carl and jeri eddington for dinner at maggianos. so yum!

ran the thanksgiving point 5k with emma, kat, and kallie. so much fun! i was so proud of myself for running the whole time without stopping except to get a drink. woot! check out the sexy photos here at emmas blog. 

the rest of the break was spent helping out jelissas mom at the house, hot tubing, and relaxing with friends. got to break out the golf clubs and go on a fantastic little hike up millcreek canyon. 

it such a shame that i go so sadly back to school. it amazing how happy having just a small taste of freedom could make me. only 7 more months until i get to feel that all the time! 
happy summer everyone!